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You notice this and decide that this manager needs training in self-awareness. You show him how his tone affects others, and how his frustration with coaching is exasperating the roadblocks to better communication. When that manager learns to understand how his presence affects employees, he can strategically communicate with individual contributors and lead more effectively. The next step is self-management — how employees manage their own emotions and reactions. As with many things in life, emotions and our resulting behaviors have better outcomes when expressed in moderation. Negative emotions can quickly spiral out of control and have a long-term impact on our own well-being and our relationships with others.

It is unreasonable to expect employees to work well with each other if they consistently do a poor job of communicating their own thoughts and feelings.

Self-management skills help employees to deal with intense or confusing circumstances without exacerbating the situation. By managing his response, George acts on the opposite of what his instincts tell him to do, and his results are surprisingly and hilariously! This is one of the many reasons why self-management is so crucial for building relationships. Teaching employees about self-management takes intentional and strategic EQ training, but it can be done!

Leading with Emotional Intelligence

Step three of improving EQ is to develop social awareness. This requires a combination of observation, active listening , and perhaps most importantly, empathy. Empathy in this context is the extent to which an individual understands how a different person might interpret an event. Employees that have strong social awareness are confident in how they behave in most settings, because they understand how their behavior affects their coworkers! Emotional intelligence training on social awareness will increase team performance and help employees work more effectively together.

The last step is using emotional intelligence to connect and develop healthy relationships with people. Your employees can use the first three steps self-awareness, self-management and social awareness to successfully manage their interactions with others. These benefits of emotional intelligence all help to make individuals and departments more successful!

IQ and EQ exist in tandem and are most effective when they build off one another. Your performance at school or work. High emotional intelligence can help you navigate the social complexities of the workplace, lead and motivate others, and excel in your career. In fact, when it comes to gauging important job candidates, many companies now rate emotional intelligence as important as technical ability and employ EQ testing before hiring.

Your physical health. This can lead to serious health problems. Uncontrolled stress raises blood pressure, suppresses the immune system, increases the risk of heart attacks and strokes, contributes to infertility, and speeds up the aging process. The first step to improving emotional intelligence is to learn how to manage stress.

Your mental health. Uncontrolled emotions and stress can also impact your mental health, making you vulnerable to anxiety and depression. This in turn can leave you feeling lonely and isolated and further exacerbate any mental health problems. Your relationships.

This allows you to communicate more effectively and forge stronger relationships, both at work and in your personal life. Your social intelligence. Being in tune with your emotions serves a social purpose, connecting you to other people and the world around you. The skills that make up emotional intelligence can be learned at any time.

The Emotional Intelligence Network • Six Seconds

In order to permanently change behavior in ways that stand up under pressure, you need to learn how to overcome stress in the moment, and in your relationships, in order to remain emotionally aware. The key skills for building your EQ and improving your ability to manage emotions and connect with others are:.

In order for you to engage your EQ, you must be able use your emotions to make constructive decisions about your behavior. When you become overly stressed, you can lose control of your emotions and the ability to act thoughtfully and appropriately. Think about a time when stress has overwhelmed you. Was it easy to think clearly or make a rational decision? Probably not. Emotions are important pieces of information that tell you about yourself and others, but in the face of stress that takes us out of our comfort zone, we can become overwhelmed and lose control of ourselves.

With the ability to manage stress and stay emotionally present, you can learn to receive upsetting information without letting it override your thoughts and self-control. Managing stress is just the first step to building emotional intelligence. The science of attachment indicates that your current emotional experience is likely a reflection of your early life experience.

Developing Strong "People Skills"

Your ability to manage core feelings such as anger, sadness, fear, and joy often depends on the quality and consistency of your early life emotional experiences. But being able to connect to your emotions—having a moment-to-moment connection with your changing emotional experience—is the key to understanding how emotion influences your thoughts and actions.

Do you experience feelings that flow, encountering one emotion after another as your experiences change from moment to moment? Are your emotions accompanied by physical sensations that you experience in places like your stomach, throat, or chest?

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Do you experience individual feelings and emotions, such as anger, sadness, fear, and joy, each of which is evident in subtle facial expressions? Can you experience intense feelings that are strong enough to capture both your attention and that of others?

Emotional intelligence

Do you pay attention to your emotions? Do they factor into your decision making? In order to build EQ—and become emotionally healthy—you must reconnect to your core emotions, accept them, and become comfortable with them. You can achieve this through the practice of mindfulness. Mindfulness is the practice of purposely focusing your attention on the present moment—and without judgment.

The cultivation of mindfulness has roots in Buddhism, but most religions include some type of similar prayer or meditation technique.


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Mindfulness helps shift your preoccupation with thought toward an appreciation of the moment, your physical and emotional sensations, and brings a larger perspective on life. Mindfulness calms and focuses you, making you more self-aware in the process.